As expected with a divorce, there is brokenness, loss, grieving and mistrust. The same is true with the loss of a child. I’ve experienced both of these. Where there is no trust there cannot be love. When you lose a child you wonder if you can trust God again. When you divorce you wonder if you can ever trust a mate again - or God for that matter.
In 2004 my husband and I were adopting a beautiful baby boy we named William. I got to be in the delivery room when he was born and felt as if I had given birth. The hospital treated us like we were the birth parents. The day after his birth, the social worker came by to visit and said he had tested positive for drugs! The question was: do you still want to adopt this baby? At that moment we could not imagine our lives without him. Five and a half months later, April 14, 2005, he died of SIDS while at his awesome babysitter’s home. That is a day we will never forget. The pain. The unbelief. The question: why did God let this happen?
Now, after nine years of marriage, my husband and I are separated and going through a divorce. The pain. The unbelief. Why did you bring this person into my life if it wasn’t going to be forever? The question: why did God let this happen?
Well I now have an angel in heaven with my dad, grandpa and grandma. I was blessed with an awesome son that we adopted in 2006 – he was 9 at the time and is now 13. And most of all my God has shown up more times than not throughout my whole life and even more in the past 3 months. He has a plan for my son and I. We may not see it drawn out nice and neat on paper but I TRUST Him with my life and the life of my son.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (New International Version)
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (Amplified Bible)
5 Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.
6 In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.
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